When It’s Healthy For Me to Be “Rude” Because of My Celiac Disease
I was asked on my very first date only a few weeks after I received my celiac disease diagnosis. At that point, I knew I had to eat a gluten free diet, but I didn’t really know much about cross contamination or how to advocate for my health. So when my date suggested going out for ice cream after the movie, I said yes.
And when the ice cream scooper asked if I knew what I wanted - after I spent several minutes desperately Googling “gluten free Baskin Robbins” on my phone and scanning the results, I said yes - even though I really wasn’t. After all, people were waiting. My date was waiting. It would be rude to hold up the line to keep researching, not to mention to spend time interrogating the employee about what celiac safe options they had.
So I was a “nice person” and ordered something quickly...and soon experienced my first symptoms of being “glutened.”
Over five years have passed since that day, and based on the experience and confidence I have now, I would act very differently if I was put in the same situation. You see, I’ve come to learn that my health should always be my number one priority...and sometimes being healthy with celiac disease requires being a lil' "rude" from time to time.
Like when I “hold up” the long line of customers or my busy table of friends at a restaurant because I need to talk to the manager about their gluten free protocol.
Like when I turn down social invitations because I need time to meal prep my own gluten free food for grad school or just don’t feel like being surrounded by a bunch of delicious food I can’t eat while constantly being asked, “Why aren’t you eating?”
Like when I bring my own food to a restaurant that doesn’t have celiac-safe gluten free options.
Like when I turn down “gluten free food” that a friend made “just for me” because it was likely cross-contaminated.
Like when I meet my significant other's parents for the first time and can’t partake in his mom’s famous chicken dinner or cherry pie.
Like when I give away gluten free food that people have gifted me because I don’t automatically LOVE every kind of gluten free food.
Like when I don’t feel like explaining my celiac disease, gluten free diet and other dietary restrictions (low fodmap, mostly dairy free and egg free), so I just give someone a basic spiel and tell them to let me know if they have any more specific questions.
Sure, none of these “rude” acts may sound like the end of the world. However, when you have been raised to always treat others like you want to be treated, have grown up with the reputation of being a “nice girl," and have a natural urge to please others and avoid causing a scene, advocating for your health in a way that might be construed as “rude” can be dang uncomfortable and hard.
If I’ve learned anything in my five years of living with celiac disease, though, it’s that we shouldn’t have to apologize for our celiac disease...or for the accommodations we need to stay healthy with celiac disease! At the same time, though, I don't expect or feel entitled to accommodations wherever I go. Instead, I try to make sure my needs are met in ways that don’t inconvenience others, like by bringing my own food to social events and researching restaurants ahead of time so I already know what I can and can’t eat. And if people do offer to tweak their plans to lend me hand...all the better!
Because here's the bottom line: at the end of the day, I know that the people who truly matter to me - my family, my friends, the young men I’ve been lucky enough to be in relationships with - understand that when I interrogate the waiter about gluten free protocol or constantly decline dinner invitations, I'm not trying to be rude. I'm just doing what I need to do to survive and thrive with celiac disease.
So the next time you are put in a situation where you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, I want you to remember this:
It’s not rude to advocate for yourself, even if it inconveniences others or isn't the "nice" or "polite" thing to do.
It’s better to appear rude than do something that may or may not cause you to be glutened and hurt your long-term health.
And the people who really matter won’t care when you ask for your meal to be remade because it appears cross-contaminated or when you turn down the flourless cake Aunt So-and-So spent hours toiling over because you’re not sure it’s safe.
Because you being healthy and happy in the long run is sooooo worth a few awkward conversations and moments among the years.
What’s one “rude” thing you do that’s actually a healthy way of coping with celiac disease or another chronic illness? Tell me in the comments!
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