Movies Minus the Gluten: A Celiac's Cinema

As calendars flip to the month of February, many people claim that love is in the air, the greeting card store and the news...basically everywhere! I have a (not so) newsflash for you, though. So is gluten! It's in candy, kisses, and, as I was reminded of last weekend, nearly all the movies enjoyed with loved ones. Which made me think. What would movies be like without gluten as a supporting actor?

Now, before I begin my admittedly humorous cinematic analysis, I just want to make one thing clear. Watching movies with gluten doesn't make me uncomfortable or unhappy - though the other movie watching dealing with my drool might feel that way! Nor do I feel like movies should delete or alter scenes featuring food allergens. If anything, the audience eats (errr...lives)vicariously, right?

Sometimes you find a "gluten free" billboard! ;)

Instead, like artist Arthur Coulet who created an online "Gluten Free Museum" with famous paintings minus gluten, I want to raise awareness of how gluten pervades popular culture. Plus enjoy a few laughs at how three "date-appropriate" movies could look if turned gluten free!

First of all, the trigger of my cinematic adventure: Lord of the Rings, The Fellowship of the Ring. I was watching the movie with my boyfriend and a group of friends last week (minutes after they all finished devouring two huge, gluten-filled pizzas) when I saw Frodo grab a slice of bread before his long journey. Putting on some gluten free goggles (perhaps the new 3D movie goggles perhaps if the GFfad continues!), the movie would look a little different.

Pinterest perfection!

The hobbits wouldn't be nearly as merry considering that their drinking - a much loved festivity - would be bereft of beer. And their breakfast, second breakfast, elevenses, luncheon, afternoon tea, dinner and supper routine may be a little harder to stomach without bread on the menu!

Not to mention that fruit and veggies can't satisfy a man "in one bite" like the Elves' lembas bread can and one of Bilbo's opening lines - "I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread" doesn't have same ring to it with "potato" substituted instead! Basically, just imagine a movie about the search for magically gluten free bread rather than magic rings (priorities, right?).

Last week (mainly due to a campus-wide Internet blackout) I watched another movie with my roommates: The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I didn't see many flowers, but, like most teen movies, gluten appeared as often as drama. Family dinner would be even more awkward without gluten on the table. And when Charlie and his new friends hang out and eat burgers at a local diner, it'd be bye bye buns, hello lettuce wraps!

The movie...and the audience!

One of the more ironic gluten scenes? At his first party, Charlie savors a brownie - which turns out to be "high" in more than just gluten and sugar. Cue a unique moment when the celiac viewer thinks, "That's one thing I really don't mind missing!" (But brownies just high in delicious flavor? Now those I would party hard with!)

Now, for a personal favorite: the comedy,The Pink Panther. For the deprived souls who haven't seen it, the movie features the inept yet genius Inspector Clouseau attempting to recover the stolen Pink Panther diamond.

If you need a laugh, check out the clip here!

My favorite scene - which my family still quotes to one another at least twice a month - involves Clouseau trying to smuggle burgers out of America, only to be caught by airport security and unable to correctly pronounce "hamburger." Spoiler alert: a security dog tackles him. Just imagine security's confusion if Clouseau not only had to explain having hamburgers in his bag, but also that he needed them for safe, gluten free food on his flight, or else he'd really have a "bomb" in his belly!

Fact is, gluten permeates popular culture with the same ferocity as love dominates stores during the month of February. You might even call gluten - not Leonardo DiCaprio - the most deserving reject of an Oscar!

*Also found at RunningwithSpoon's link party!*

Have you ever notion approximately gluten at some point of movies? What is one scene in a film that might be funny if gluten loose? Comment underneath!

Mustaqim Jaed

Saya Seorang Yang Hoby Menulis Dan Menggambar.

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